Thursday, March 20, 2008

This might be long, it might be short, have not decided yet...

Urgh I hate feeling like this, and I have been feeling like this for a long time. By this I mean useless and not needed/wanted.
I wasn't going to post about this but I need to get it off my chest. I have been in such a downer mood lately, I am useless lately, I manage to clean a little, and cook sometimes. But I want to do nothing all day. The only reason I am not in bed all day is because of my little boy. I am trying to force myself to take him to this sort of mommy and me class today, haven't been there in a long time with him, for 2 reasons... 1 the weather has been crap lately with storm after storm, and 2 I have no interest in going anywhere. The furtherest I have went lately is to the store to pick some stuff up that we needed, and that is it. And the only reason for that is cause Rod won't do it. If he would go to the store for me, I wouldn't leave the house.
It is beautiful here today and I know I should take my son outside, cause he would love it so much, but I have a headache of course and the sun will only make that worse, and I have no interest. I would rather sit inside and watch tv or just fiddle around on here.
What is wrong with me URGH!!!!! I hate feeling like this and I don't know what to do to fix it. I probably should go to the Doctor or something but I just don't want to tell her any of this, about how I am feeling, because either she will just blow me off or think I am crazy, or maybe something worse. I take care of my son, he is fed and played with and bathed and everything else, but that is about it. I keep the house reasonable, and I try to cook at least once a day.
I don't have any energy at all, I am not getting to bed till 1 or 1:30am every night, and I can't see how to get Toby to change his sleeping habits/schedule.
I feel like such a failure lately. I haven't been going to this mommy and me thing, because some days (most days) it is too hard to paste on a fake smile and pretend everything is hunky dory. I feel so alone, and I feel so useless. I need to go to the mommy and me thing today I need to for my son, cause if I don't go out in the day neither does he, and I know that can not be good for him. Got to go now, becuase he wants to type now as well.

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