Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Depression is a nasty bully

*** Disclaimer***
These are my thoughts and experiences, I am by no means a pro on either of the subjects I write about.

I have suffered from depression for many years, started around the same time I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and puberty, so not sure if it is a symptom or a disease all it's own. When I was younger I was told by more then one doctor that "it's all in your head" and nothing was done about it.
I tried to "end it" a few times unsuccessfully obviously, or I wouldn't be writing this now.
I had physical bullies, but I think the worst bully has to be the mental bully called depression... the physical ones grow up and change, and you can fight back, some of the time. But the mental one seems to only get stronger, and stays with you as you grow, no matter where you go or move to. It followed me into high school, also into my marriage and move to Europe, and through my move back home, after me leaving my marriage with thoughts of needing to get out because I was not worthy enough to be loved by my then husband. Many years later I see that it was the bully in my head telling me this.

And the past few years now, my son has been suffering with depression and anxiety, and it is rearing it's ugly head big time lately. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place... what do you do when you are faced with a child who no longer wants to live, and has these thoughts almost on a daily basis, yes he is on medication ( for a little over a month) and it seems to be doing nothing.
We have an appointment with the physiologist (the one that can prescribe meds) again now in April, so hopefully she can give a little insight in wait to do, and maybe a med change.
He has an app this week with his psychiatrist, ( the one that talks, and does NOT prescribe meds), I get the two names mixed up lol.
He is struggling in school, because how can you focus if all your thoughts are on how useless you are and how much you want to end it.
Me and the hubby, and the son are all struggling, I wish I had the words to help, I have been talking him to a weekly mental health peer group, which he is under the age of the majority of the group, but the facilitator met with us, and deemed my son mature enough to attend.
He seems to be "older" then your typical 12 year old, and doesn't share the same interest and sense of humor as his classmates, I wonder is this because of the depression and anxiety, or is it early puberty ( he has other signs of puberty as well, for a few years now). I have discussed this with his family doctor, but she does not seem concerned.

I have almost written a novel, oops. If you are still reading, to this point thank you.

Melissa D

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Been so long

2013!!!!! OMG that is a long time ago, and it was the last time I blogged anything. Except for when I found this site called bubblews, which was a sort of blogger site, which paid per like, per post I believe that is how it went.
I have been toying with the idea of getting back into blogging for some time now. A LOT has changed since 2013. My little boy is no so little anymore and will become a teenager this year, when did that happen.
If I continue with this blog, it probably won't be much about crafting anymore. I still craft, but not as much as I would like to be. I don't have the drive to do much these days, I would like some energy or drive back, I feel as thou I am on auto pilot, and that is not a good feeling.

Now I have people wanting/needing my attention once again, I swear they all know when I am doing something because that is when I am wanted for something, and that is probably another reason I gave up on blogging years ago.

Hope to post again soon.
Hugs to you all,
Melissa D
P.S. He will kill me if he knows I posted this pic, shhhhh. Our secret. :)

Monday, July 1, 2013

June dare for MMM

We were asked to make something for "truths" I didn't use either of the ones Tracy provided, I used my own, I searched pintrest, googled truths, and could not come up with any truths that seemed to suit me. I am not very religious and seemed to find most of them were about god and such. But here is some that I found, I hope I did this right. I am diffidently cutting it close, seeing as this is July 1st. Opps. I don't like how it turned out, and haven't had a chance to either "fix" it, or do a new one. :(
But anyhow here it is. and I am linking it here.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Letter to me (Tracy's May dare)

So we have been dared to write a letter to me, for the Mixed Media FB group I a part of. Here is the link to Tracy's site, and you can find her letter there too. :) Click here.

So here is my letter, and page to go with my letter. I have not scrapbooked in awhile so that is what the page turned out to be.

These are my entries, I was too lazy to type out my letter, so I took a pic. :)
And every time I thought about this letter to me dare I would think of Brad Paisleys song.
How many times have I wished I could go back in time, and know what I know now.
Oh well I guess I am stuck in the present, and not the past.
Hope you all have a great week.
Melissa D

Saturday, April 27, 2013

This is a first for me....

I am actually taking part in my first ever challenge, over at Tracy's blog http://tracywburgos.typepad.com/treasure_the_momentlove_l/2013/04/april-creative-dare.html
I have been a follower of Tracy's for awhile, and I love her Ustreams and watching her create. She has a Monday mixed media Ustream which I try to watch live, if not I catch the recording. With the time zones it's quite late for me. :)
But here is my entry for the dare. :) Hope you all like it.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Melissa D